03 August 09 AM/PM (technically lunchtime)

For once, I got out of the office this lunchtime. And almost instantly remembered why I don't usually bother. London is teeming with people who wander with neither direction nor speed, it's impossible to get anything to eat without having to queue, and I am evidently invisible.

I stopped at a crossing so as not to get run over by a bus bearing the slogan "Have you thanked Jesus yet today?" Have I? Should I? For the crappy weather? And the crappy recession which has forced me into a crappy job that makes me want to throw myself out of a window on a regular basis? No, not yet. But thanks for the reminder. Well, he can't only be responsible for all the good things - you have to take the rough with the smooth. But whilst we're talking of fictional characters, have you finished writing your thank you letters to Santa for all those years of full stockings? No? I thought as much.

As I carried on walking a girl was meanly heckling her friend who was lagging behind. In the fury of her gesticulations, her jumper had fallen from around her waist to around her ankles. She was very unaware of this, whilst I was not. Only I couldn't find any way to delay my progress on towards and then past her, to witness her falling on her leery mouth. And thus the hoped for solution has been playing its way out in my head on loop for most of the afternoon in absence of me witnessing it, or it actually happening. Loud girl fall over. Funny.

Whilst I was still tittering to myself, a man came up to me asking for directions. This happens to me a lot. Evidently I have the face of a true Londoner, which is probably an insult and also belies my utter lack of inner compass or TomTom at any time.
"Is this the way to Covent Garden?" He asked, heading toward Tottenham Court Road.
"Er, no. It's more over that way" I gesticulated in the vague direction of Covent Garden, for a change. "You need to go down Kingsway and take a right on Great Queen Street. That will take you straight to Covent Garden" This made me feel like I was some kind of directions ninja. A complete orientation back of the net. Whoop!
"And if I carry on this way?" He said
"Er, you get to some places which are not Covent Garden"
And so he carried on.

Pfscht. People.